Teen Talk

Dad Magazine online

Teen Talk

June 2008

If you are what you eat, I must be everything, because

I Love to Eat
By Ethan Sorscher

         America suffers from a weight problem. We eat too much and we exercise too little. I think that early man ate just as much as we do, but he killed his food with his bare hands and the exertion of this act burned enough calories. Maybe the hefty ones couldn’t outrun the predators. Or they ate a lot of celery. (It actually takes more energy to digest the cellulose-rich celery than can be derived from it.)
         My mother, whose sagacity and wisdom continues to amaze me, is fond of the idea of leaving a quarter of your plate uneaten. But that’s not for me.
         I love to eat. If you are what you eat, I must be everything. I don’t watch cooking shows, because I get jealous that I’m not eating the delicious food shown on the screen. Eating has always been a passion of mine; if it’s desert or meat or, heck, even vegetables – if it’s on my plate, I’ll wolf it down. Thanks to my incredible metabolism, I can scarf down three donuts for breakfast, several pieces of pizza at lunch, and a hearty, home-cooked meal (or a burrito so huge that it is literally bursting at the seams) at dinner without sacrificing my lean, trim and muscular (sup, ladies) physique. Of course, I also exercise. Hammering out those ten crunches every other Sunday really helps. Naturally, as I age, my metabolism will slow and I will have to modify my eating habits – or else I might end up like my father.
         My father has a number of maxims, one of which is “If there’s food on your plate, you don’t mess around.” When he was a young man, he would eat several cheeseburgers a day, on a regular basis. When he grew older, his habits did not change. That’s how he became the man he is today – twice the man I’d ever hope to be (no offense, dad). The way I see it, as time goes on and I eventually raise children of my own, I’ll put on weight. It’s inevitable – after eating, sitting is my favorite socially acceptable activity. But one of my dearest ambitions is to bounce my son on my lap, and to do that I’ll need to have a lap.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

May 2008

Escaping into meaningless trivialities has kept me physically healthy. I have no intention of becoming

Sick with Stress
By Ethan Sorscher

         Stomach problems run in my family. My dad had ulcerative colitis; my sister has it; I am likely to get it. (Gee, thanks a lot, dad.) Ulcerative colitis can be brought on by stress – that is what caused my sister to develop it.
         When my sister was diagnosed three years ago, I made a decision to maintain a relaxed, casual outlook to life’s challenges. Important homework assignment?   No biggie. I’d throw something together, turn it in, get a B, and that was fine by me. Test tomorrow? I’d glance at the chapters, pay attention in class, get a B, and that was fine by me. My parents did not appreciate this lack of effort, but I felt that, if I was able to slide through and pull Bs, that was okay.
         And for three years, I kept to these habits and thus kept my bowels clean. No ulcers, no colitis. Three years, and going strong. But I have to take each day one at a time. I can’t allow myself to get bogged down in the quagmires of my peers. When they were stressing about college selection and finals, I was reading comic books and playing video games. At the same time, I can’t allow myself to get my hopes too high, because I know that eventually I will suffer disappointment – which, of course, will lead to stress. So when my peers felt the elation of getting into their first-choice schools and acing their finals, I was reading comic books and playing video games.
         To me, it’s all about distractions. I can distract myself from the daily pattern of emotional spikes with meaningless trivialities. I can escape into a world where whatever is bothering me just flitters away. Perhaps this escapism isn’t psychologically ideal, but it has kept me physically healthy.
         And when it comes down to it, that is what matters most to me right now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

March 2008

In my family, the father takes his son on his tenth birthday to visit the home of

The Fathers of Our Country
By Ethan Sorscher

When I was ten, my father continued our family’s tradition: The father takes the child, on his tenth birthday, to Washington, D.C. Away from the vigilant eyes of my mother, my father tutored me in all the ways of the world – everything from jaywalking to joke-telling. He guided me from museum to museum, from monument to monument, all the while ensuring that my interest remained captivated with his amusing anecdotes. My father recognized that, at my sprightly young age of ten, I had an intensely short attention span, and so our visit was peppered with restaurants and hotel rooms in order to keep my fascination piqued. He knew to let me direct the vacation, else I would find it more like a lecture and less like a visit. He made this learning experience enjoyable.
I learned more about my father, and the fathers of our country, from that one trip than I had in my entire life. As a Sorscher, I have a history enveloped in tradition. As my father’s son, I have a history woven with the fibers of fun.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

January 9, 2008

Like my father, I’ve never cared much for

Team Sports
By Ethan Sorscher

         At dinner the other night I asked my father how he felt about sports, and he responded, “I was always picked last.”
         I have always felt that it is the father’s duty to instill his feelings about sports in his son. In this respect, my father has succeeded. My father never cared much for team sports, and neither do I. To me, it is not important to beat someone else – that bullying, competitive streak has never flowed through my veins. To me, it is more important to compete with yourself. The human race has succeeded because of self-improvement. The human race is not based on trouncing.
         I tried soccer, I tried baseball, I tried football. None of these sports struck a chord; none of them inspired me to do better. I was a part of a team, and so “winning” wasn’t dependent just upon my effort but the entire team’s effort. I swam, I ran, I still pole vault – these are the sports that inspire me to do better. I succeed or fail on my own; there is no one for me to fall back on or to blame except myself. It is not enough for me to be able to point at others and say, “I am better than them.” I need to be able to point to my past and say, “I am better than that.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

October 10, 2007

I’m Still Answering Your Lame Questions

By Miles (“The Answer Man”) Lester

I got such a great response from my last column (well, a friend named Rayna did send a complimentary email), that I’m going to answer more of your silly questions.

Why don’t you clean up your room?

I answered this question the last time [September 26]. Let me reiterate: I know where everything is in the room; it just looks dirty to you, but it’s organized for me. When it’s messy, I don’t feel pressured to constantly clean up after myself. I can just add a little mess to the bigger mess and not worry about the mess. Actually, I don’t think I’ve cleaned it since you asked this question last month.

Why aren’t you more politically active?

I am more politically aware than I am politically active. I watch the news almost every morning; I watch political debates; I’m interested in who our representatives are … because I understand that political decisions will soon start influencing me directly – paying taxes, health care, military service. I just turned 18 and I just registered to vote.

Are you doing drugs?

Not right now, at least I don’t think I am.

What have you eaten today? Anything healthy?

Alright, alright, so I skip breakfast most of the time. What’s the big deal with that? I’ll have dinner.

You often seem angry with me, with other authority figures, with the whole world. Why is that?

Shut up.

***************************

September 26, 2007

The Answer Man (Part I)

By Miles Lester

Every day, I get thousands and thousands of emails from you fathers asking me silly questions about your teenage kids. I’d like to get five of these questions out in the open. right now, right here.

Why don’t you brush your teeth?

I do try to brush at night. In the morning, it’s usually difficult to brush my teeth – just waking up in the morning is difficult. But the actual act of spending three to five minutes brushing my teeth seems like such a waste of time when I’m so rushed. Also, I’m a teenage boy and I forget things.

Why don’t you clean up your room?

Why does it have to be clean? I know where everything is in the room; it just looks dirty to you, but it’s organized for me. Yes, occasionally I do misplace some items and find them after I clean up my room, but I most often have a general idea where things are. When it’s messy, I don’t feel pressured to constantly clean up after myself. I can just add a little mess to the bigger mess and not worry about the mess. Also, I’m a teenage boy and I forget things.

Are you having safe sex?

Duh. I would have safe sex if I was having sex. It’s on every teenager’s mind that introducing a baby into this world is very difficult on the parents, especially when they are minors. Most teenagers who do not want to have a baby will keep in mind that safe sex is necessary. Besides, I’m a teenage boy and … never mind.

Why do you wear your pants so low?

The main reason is it’s today’s style. Just like the fact that clothes today are bigger than they were when you were young: bigger socks, bigger shorts, bigger shirts, bigger pants. It’s the style.

Are you skipping any classes?

Not that I remember. But I’m a teenage boy and I forget things.

***************************

August 29, 2007

Home Alone

By Miles Lester

My dad went on vacation this summer and put me in charge of the house. I was left by myself for several weeks; my younger brother stayed with me during some of that time. I was also in charge of the dog. By “in charge,” I mean: feeding the dog, making sure she had enough water, taking her for walks, giving her the attention she needed.

My dad left me a list of Things to Do, stuff like “Take out the trash cans on Tuesday night” and “Bring in the trash cans on Wednesday morning.” Stuff like “Water the outdoor plants” and “Bring in the mail” and “Turn off the lights when you leave the house.”

This was a big step in my becoming a mature adult, and it was a big step for my dad, too. He had to accept that I am becoming a mature adult.

One of the major concerns that my dad had was: Parties. He and my mom were worried that I would have a party that involved drinking or smoking or something like that. My dad said that he had heard and read horror stories about parents coming home from a weekend getaway to a house damaged by cigarette burns and spilled alcohol and such, because their kids had briefly mentioned to a few friends that they had the house to themselves, and those friends told other friends, and those friends told other friends, and a gazillion kids showed for a house party. We came that the agreement that I would not have a party unless six people (or less) were invited, and I had to make them promise that they wouldn’t tell their friends, and they came only to play poker.

I felt pretty confident before my dad left about staying in the house by myself because I’m a mature kid and I work a steady summer job – and I don’t have very many friends. As it turned out, there was no party, all the lights were turned off whenever I left, the dog was healthy and happy, and my parents didn’t need to worry. My younger brother doesn’t talk much, so I don’t know how much he enjoyed his independent time, but at least I know he didn’t die. My dad’s checklist of Things to Do was extremely helpful because there was no way for me to forget anything; I could look at the list every day and check off all my tasks.

Those three weeks alone in my house gave me insight into what independence really means. It was good to know what I’ll be in for when I do eventually move out and live on my own.

But you know, I’m not sure I like being home alone. I like living with my family; it feels safe and comfortable; I feel a little lonely when I'm home alone. There's no one right there to talk with.

*************************************

July 4, 2007

Five Synonyms for Nice
by Miles Lester

If you’re in my father’s generation, these words should aid you in better understanding my generation. The following are synonyms for what you might call “nice” or “neat” or “keen.” They’re all adjectives; they’re all positive; and they all feel comfortable in the company of exclamation marks!

If you start using these words around your kid, you’ll be able to communicate better. And they will think of you differently; they might think you’re kinda “cool.”

            Sweet, as in “Dude, that Lamborghini that just roared by, it was sweet!”
            Rad, as in “Hey, that concert was pretty rad, well worth my 50 bucks.” (Rad is short for radical, as in “extreme.”)
            Tight, as in “That new haircut looks tight.”
            Sick, as in “Did you see Tony Hawk’s skateboarding move? Man, that thing was sick!”
            Awesome, as in “I love my car, it’s my baby, but your new BMW m3 is way more awesome.”

*****************************

June 20, 2007

And Leave the Driving to Us
by Miles Lester

A couple of years ago, I started to feel uselessness and immature. I felt this because my parents had to drive me around everyday to and from school and my weekend jobs. My dad said he was fine driving me to work, but I could tell that sometimes his mind was not set on driving and that he had better things to do. It also became wearisome for my mother. I felt it was too much of an inconvenience. This feeling compelled me to drive on my own -- to get a license and an automobile.

So now I have my own vehicle, my babe, my luxury ridda’. She’s not much, but I bought her myself with my own hard-earned money. She’s an early Volvo model, a V-4 turbo, that has a lot of cool, new-age components such as power sunroof, power windows, power/leather seats, and even cruise control. She’s not just a toy, she’s my means of transportation.

I got in a small accident about a year ago. No one was hurt, but I bashed in the front of my first car, an older Mazda sedan, and it could not be driven any more. I was devastated because my transportation was gone. After this accident I reflected on why driving on my own was so important and valuable. I realized that it’s more than just being free from my parents and being free from being a burden. It’s that I am more confident with myself; I am more mature.

There are a lot of components to driving; for example, you always need to be aware, to be a conscious driver. I know this because of my accident. I believe I am much more aware when I drive and am a much better driver than before. In a way, I am thankful that I got in a crash because it really woke me up and could have prevented me from getting in a much worse accident “down the road.”

Don’t discourage your kids from having their own car and driving. Encourage them. Get your kids to drive as soon as they can. Don’t worry about them getting in an accident; they probably will. Just hope that it’s a small accident, with very little damage.

Cars help kids mature very quickly. They learn about responsibility. But make sure they actually do take responsibility, that they pay for their car themselves, like I did, or that they pay for their insurance, like I do, or at the least that they pay for their own gas, like I do.

When your kid can take himself places on his own, in his own car, that’s a great, big step for you, too. You’ve got better things to do than being a chauffeur.

*****************************

May 30, 2007

What Space Is Your Kid In?
by Miles Lester

About half a year ago I started using online chatting and instant messaging such as AIM and Myspace. Before then, I believed it was a waste of time and my time could be spent elsewhere … anywhere else. However, now that I have gotten into blogging and messaging, I have found that it is actually fun and entertaining. Not only can I meet new people, but I can chat with those I don’t see often and even those who I do see often. For example, on Myspace, I have “My Friends,” a large group of people who, for the most part, are in my age group and the kind of people I would hang out with. Each of “My Friends” has a picture next to their names and so, if I want to either chat or talk or message or just see one of their profiles, I can simply click on their photo and this will instantly send me to their home page. Myspace is very trendy and fun; and it’s pretty cool how many things there are to do or find on Myspace.

The best part is that Myspace is my place to go when I am either bored or filled with emotion. I can edit my profile to express how I feel. I can add pictures and videos that people can see, and make cool backgrounds. I can talk to friends I have made, who are in other schools and I wouldn’t normally talk to. I can tell my friends if I am happy or sad or excited or bored or intrigued … or anything. Myspace is like a public journal, an expression of my self.

High school can be a tough time for lots of kids, and I have found that, with online chatting and messaging, I can talk to people easier, without pressure. Because if I mess up or say the wrong thing, then “oh well,” because the person I’m talking to cannot see me, they cannot see that I am embarrassed. This is particularly true with girls. Now, I have dated and have had relationships, but talking with women in person still is difficult. Online I can sound witty and charming no matter how squeamish I might actually be.

Listen up, you fathers out there: A lot of you have been misinformed about Myspace. I think that’s because a lot of you have not taken the time to understand online chatting and blogging. I do not believe that Myspace presents a problem concerning the safety of your child. I have had a Myspace account for more than seven months now, and I have not had any creeps coming onto my site, or any other problems with it.

If your son or daughter has a space on Myspace, please don’t go behind their backs to try to find out what they are doing: It’s like spying, and a good relationship between parent and child shouldn’t involve spying. If you’re not sure what Myspace is, just visit the website’s homepage: www.myspace.com.

I recommend creating a Myspace profile yourself; plenty of people of all ages have Myspace profiles. If you have your own space and your kids have their own space, well, that’s a good bonding opportunity inside the family. But still, if you’re curious what your child is doing, just ask them to show you their profile; they might be a little hesitant, but it will create a better understanding between the two of you.

****************

I am Ethan Sorscher
By Ethan Sorscher

         I’m a seventeen-year-old high school senior in Walnut Creek, California. I may be young, but I’m not inexperienced. I have worked at a number of jobs, including at my temple and the local swim club. I’m currently working part-time at Hollywood Video. I pole vault, and I write a monthly column for the Northgate Sentinel, my school paper.
         I intend to share a few of the experiences I have had with my father and hope to pass on a few of his ideas. (He has lots of ideas.) We’ve always lived together and so he has always been a fixture in my life, and I have benefited from his knowledge in many ways. Ideally, his knowledge (and my own) can help others.

I Am Miles Lester
by Miles Lester

    I am an 18-year-old boy who lives in two households, one with my mother and one with my father. I am a calm and well-rounded person. I have a very strong work ethic; I have worked at various jobs since the age of 14. I work at a water-themed amusement park over the summers and the local ice-skating rink during the winters. I also work at my temple and the high-school cafeteria. I have friends and a good social life.
    I have a lot to say about parenting and just being a child. My columns will cover different situations that I encounter and how I react to those experiences. I think that, because I'm still a kid and I'll always be a son, my opinions and views could be valuable for fathers.